We Become the Story We Tell Ourselves: How the Greexit Is Resolving A Twenty-Year Personal Dispute F
Years ago, I took over the job of retention services for about one thousand Asian American and Pacific Islander students at Washington State University. As part of the larger Multicultural Student Services, the retention effort of minority students fell on four counselors. I was one of them. The office was organized along major racial groups so besides my set of students, the other three were African American, Latino/Chicano and Native American. The counselors work closely together. The Native American Counselor, John, and I were good friends. But, despite our friendship, we couldn't see eye-to-eye on a fundamental concept. And nearly twenty years later, it took the Greexit (or the threat of it) for me to identify the source of our disagreement.
Plenty of articles and expert opinions have been expressed about the Greek financial crisis. The majority of these ideas have been written from a financial, economic or geopolitical point of view. There is one exception. Suzanne Daley and Anemona Hartocollis in a piece called, "Greek's 'No' May Have Its Roots in Heroic Myths and Real Resistance" for the New York Times wrote "In the early 1800s, Greek fighters rebelled against their Ottoman overlord by blowing themselves up in stead of submitting to captivity. In the mountains of Zalongo, by legend, women flung their children off a cliff and then danced off after them rather than be sold as slaves." The co-authors went on and described Greek's history over the past two hundred years and it is filled with stories of resistance. They say "... it [voting No on the bailout referendum] sprang from a deep cultural and historical strain of defiance in apparently hopeless situations, honed over centuries under Ottoman rule and nurtured by the telling of heroic tales from one generation to another."
I would highly encourage you to read the full article here. But in case you are strapped for time, the following visual summarizes the essence of how heroic tales led to the No vote.
As in many cases, the stories told within a group shape the culture.. And culture governs codes of acceptable behavior and people's action. For every action there is a set of reactions and consequences. For example, we can expect that if we leave the house without an umbrella when it is raining we will get soaked. And it is the actions, or the set of consequences, that reinforce the stories we tell ourselves. [PC1] In short, we become the stories we tell ourselves.
John, the Native American counselor, and I disagreed on two vastly different stories. Having moved to the US when I was sixteen, I have always carried with me the typical immigrant story, that America is the land of opportunities, that anyone who works hard will be eventually rewarded. I believe in this story whole-heartedly and have acted accordingly. Lucky for me, the consequences of my belief and action have been playing out just like any typical happy immigrant story.
For John, however, America is the land of broken promises. Through the many books he introduced me, speakers on Native American issues, even a tour of his reservation, he painted a picture of systematic oppression and discrimination. The US Federal Government had broken every single treaty that it had signed with all Native American tribes—that was one of John’s favorite pieces of evidence to quote. Rightly or wrongly, he has also been leading his life based on this broken promise story. Twenty years after we worked together, our lives couldn't be more different.
If you ever find yourselves stuck in a less than desirable situation and wonder how to get out of it, you may find the follow Retracing Steps helpful.
1. Ask yourself, what actions have I taken that led me to this situation? Reframe from judgment as much as possible. Write down as many actions as possible that you have taken intentionally or unintentionally that have led you to your current situation.
2. Then, reflect on the expected behaviors, overt and subtle, that your culture prescribes. By culture, I am referring to both macro and micro cultures. Macro cultures can be based on racial, national, religious, etc. Micro cultures can be from your company, family, or even your intramural sports team.
3. Based on the list of expected behaviors, think about the stories that you and others in your group tell and re-tell over time.
4. Ask yourself this question, is there a different story you can tell yourself that would change the situation?
5. The answer will almost has to be a resounding ‘yes’ if you want to change your circumstances. And this is the creative and empowering part. YOU can choose to tell a different story to yourself and others.
If you need help figuring out how to tell your story, schedule a free consultation with us! And sign up for our resources newsletter packed with information on free events, tips and coaching sessions.
Photo credit by Sharon Mollerus via CreativeCommons.org